Trauma is the invisible emotional pain that no one can see or experience except the ‘I’ who experiences the pain. Unbeknownst to me, I wear it on my body like a clock and only have a memory of it when an event triggers a harsh response from me. A thought of inadequacy, fear, disrespect, rejection, separation, grief, and any insecurities provokes an explosion of emotions expressed as anger, anxiety, or sadness.  

Without an investigation into my childhood, I travel blindly, without knowing who, when, and how I obtained this clock of mine, I search in the darkness, unconscious, for the answers. I love to hate it, yet at the same time, it gives me a measure of how far I have come in this journey called healing. When I attempt to explain the unexplainable pain, friends, family, and health professionals nod and tell me they understand; however, they know nothing of this pain of mine, for it is only mine to bear.  

Trauma, how you bring me pain and comfort at the same time. Ours is a love affair that can only be broken by death, and till the next time we meet, I wait in anticipation of my bodily sensations, for they tell me when I am living in the past.